This is the text of Lindsey Hills’ speech on the opening panel at Feminism in London 2010.
Hi I’m Lindsey, I’m 25, I live in West London and have 2 children. I was a teenage mum when I fell pregnant with my first child and it was so scary, I was lucky to have support from my friends and family, but I know many other young mums that were not so lucky. I started attending YWCA mums and mums to be group 6 and a half years ago, when I joined I was a young mum with a son of 8 months. Being part of YWCA gave me support at a difficult time in my life, I was involved in a negative relationship, and they gave me the support and help I needed to be able move on from this. I have had the opportunity to be involved in a number of campaigns that have highlighted inequality and how things are unfair to women, which I will talk more about later.
When our mums group at YWCA was first approached to speak at the Feminism in London conference about the representation of young mums in society and the reality of our lives, we thought about all the positives and negatives of being a younger mum. We thought about all the stereotypes there are about us and there were a lot! We struggled to think of any positive representations of younger mums, even though we knew there were lots of positives for us personally! The truth is that while being a younger mum does have challenges it is not always a “problem”, in the way it is seen in the media or in society generally. For some young women it is a positive experience which makes them more determined to succeed in their lives and motherhood can be as rewarding as it is for older mothers.
One of the biggest difficulties with being a younger mum is the lack of support and the negativity that surrounds you. I had to put up with whispering behind my back, being shouted out at as I walked home, having people look down at me and the feeling that people thought I had failed my mum. People who did not know me were ready to judge me, and I thought who gave them the right to map my life out? One of the stereotypes of young mums is that we will never achieve, that we have no interest in getting an education or getting a job, but I was still studying while I was pregnant and I held my head high and carried on. I learnt to deal with the whispers and got used to being called horrible names, I decided I wasn’t going to let them bring me down. With support from my mum who helped with childcare, I gained a BTEC in Leisure and Tourism and an AVCE In Travel and Tourism. I continued to work as a part time customer service assistant and was really happy to have achieved my qualifications, I knew that despite what people said about me behind my back that I would make something of myself, when the time was right for me.
In the media young mums are either seen as irresponsible for getting pregnant or it is assumed that they have gotten pregnant purposely in order to get benefits or housing. The reality of receiving benefits and housing as a young mum is far from as easy as the media makes it sound. The reality is unless you are literally homeless the likelihood of you starting out a new life in a council house with your baby straight away, is quite low. When I needed to move out of home I went to the council, and I was greeted by a unhelpful lady who was not willing to help me, I got there at 9 and sat waiting until 2pm when the lady informed me there was nothing they could do. She offered me a visit in a week’s time, but that was no use to me. I decided to sit it out, but as the office closed at 4:30pm I was asked to wait outside. I waited until 6:30pm when the emergency housing team came on duty and I was eventually given a B&B for the night. I was shocked by the attitude of staff towards me, but this made me only more determined. I had to stay in a hostel for 6 weeks but thankfully after this I was offered a property. However, again this was not easy; I was offered a property in an area I didn’t know, away from my friends, family who supported me and away from where I worked. I was told that I had to accept the flat or I would be removed from the council list, therefore I accepted and lived there for 2 years. I was placed in private accommodation which is quite common, and while it may seem like a good thing to be given private accommodation, there is a downside that young mums are often not aware of. My rent was £1,600 a month and this meant I was trapped. If I got a full time job I would loose my benefits and then I would not be able to pay the rent for my flat, as there was no way I would earn enough to pay for it. It was so frustrating as I knew people looked at me as if I was a young dumb mum on benefits with no future, but really I had no choice!
When I was expecting my second child I asked for my living situation to be assessed because I had to climb 33steps to get into my flat and this was difficult with a one child but two would have been impossible. Again I had to be very determined in order to get any help. I had to ring the council everyday for a housing officer to finally visit me and say that the property was not suitable. I now live in a 2 bedroom ground floor flat, which is good, but it does need work on it, it has damp and my toilet leaks but it so difficult to get anyone to help. Everything is a battle!
I would rather work hard then have a handout that’s why I now work as an admin worker for a children’s centre in a school 26.5 hours a week. I also work for the scouts and I volunteer at the YWCA and UK Youth, as well as raise two children as a single mum. I don’t think that makes me a lazy young mum?!
As part of my involvement with YWCA I have been involved in many campaigns that have highlighted issues for young women and young mums. YWCA had a campaign called respect young mums which called for young mums to be treated equally. It drew attention to the fact that despite what the media tells us, young mums are more likely to be living in poverty, in poor housing and with less support than other women and children.
Recently we were involved in a campaign with UK Youth called ‘Hearing Unheard Voices’ which focused on those young people who are rarely heard, like young mums. Our campaign was called “It’s our life, our path, we decide” because we believe young women should be equal to men in all aspects and have confidence in their ability to take charge of their future. We created two positive posters about being a young mum, the first one “young mums can achieve” was to highlight that our lives are not over once we have a child! The other one asked the question “What is the right age for parenthood?” highlighting all the other things we are allowed to do at age 18 and questioning why it is always considered bad that parenthood be one of them. Our posters together with other groups from around the country were put into an exhibition that was open to the public.
Another campaign I have been involved in with YWCA is a campaign called “more than one rung”, which was about young women, particularly those from disadvantaged backgrounds, gaining the skills they need to climb off the bottom rung of the career ladder and out of poverty. We wanted to challenge gender stereotypes that mean that young women get stuck in low paid “women’s work” and make sure that young women get better career’s advice, skills and training. We took this Westminster, where we had an around the table event with MP’s to talk about the wage gap between men and women. In addition to this I also met with the low pay commission to talk about the gender pay gap and the national minimum wage.
We have also started to find out more about feminism, link up with other young women’s groups and go to events, such as the launch of Feminist Webs that took place at the women’s library in March and of course this conference!
The highlight of my involvement with the YWCA has to be meeting the previous Prime Minister Gordon Brown and talking to him about the stereotypes of young mums and our experiences. We were keen to challenge the stereotypes of us and show him that we are good mothers, with ambitions and determination to do the best for our selves and our children. It was a fantastic experience and a privilege to have the opportunity to be involved.
Lindsey Hills, 23 October 2010